just know
How can I tell you
what words can I use
the sun, the moon,
the sky is all I see
look beyond words
and into thought
beyond feelings
it's all I've got
here beside me
you I can't see
I've got everything to lose
what words can I use
the sun, the moon,
the sky is all I see
look beyond words
and into thought
beyond feelings
it's all I've got
here beside me
you I can't see
I've got everything to lose
posted by Kate at 9:52 p.m.
2 Comments:
There are two things I can think of to improve your stuff:
1. punctuation. I'm a stickler for it. It helps the readers know how to read it, and therefore, can add meaning to the poem.
2. Play with some line breaks. Make new stanzas. Write stuff that is not left justified. I'm just getting into avante garde / experimental forms. It creates new forms of expression.
love you dear,
ns
I think your poems should be what you want them to be.. they should have your feel, be it gramatically wrong, or timed different... you know?
that's what i think, for what it's worth.
s.r.d
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